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I…Just…Died

December 25, 2015

For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. Matthew 6:14,15
It’s Christmas. Yeah, I’m not a huge fan, haven’t been in years. It has pagan roots, yes. But, it does bring family and friends together and bring glory to God, giving thanks for the very standard of love that was shown from the very beginning, giving His only son “that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.” A standard, yes. What if that was our standard? God commands us to love. In fact, the Word goes as far to say that, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.” (Mt 22:37-40) And also in Galatians 5:14, “For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”
Tonight I stood here in my empty apartment , worshiping and allowing God to do whatever He wanted to do in that moment. As I sang, You are worthy, You are worthy, You are worthy, I began to cry. You see, 7 years ago I gave my life to Him. I opened the gift of grace, I answered the call, I opened the door…but there has always been something missing. For 7 years there has been an area deep in my heart that was wounded. It was abandoned. It was bruised and left for dead. But tonight…God decided to resurrect something and release something that I never knew was hidden. Commitment. I swallow my pride to admit I have had an issue with commitment. I often questioned where it came from but never waited for an answer. When you seek Him, He will be found! Tonight God spoke out of the dark and lonely candle-lit night in this apartment in Haifa Isarel. He said, forgive him. You see, 17 years ago I ran away from home. I was a teenager looking for intimacy, for hope, for love. I was lost and what I was looking for was also lost. It ended in a battle for my life for 18 months in an abusive relationship…the first man who ever told me he loved me. I saw love as unfaithful, painful, full of regrets and bondage.
Though I never felt like God’s love was like that, tonight, He wanted me to experience His love at a greater measure. In the midst of my battle cry of worship tonight, God spoke again…forgive him. It has been 17 years since I’ve spoken to this man and honestly have forgiven him in my head…but that wasn’t enough. God gave me his number and though I was shaking and nervous, He told me to call. But, Abba, it’s Christmas! Forgive him. But Abba, what if he doesn’t listen? Forgive him. But Abba!! Forgive him. So, I called, sweating, voice shaking and no idea the outcome…and who has the same number after 17 years?!? It doesn’t matter, because what happened tonight was life-changing. Tonight I had the opportunity to forgive a man who emotionally and physically abused me, who I allowed to take away years of my life, who was anything but the standard of love.
Was it hard? The hardest part was hitting the call button on my phone. Can I tell you the aftermath?!? 17 years of freedom and joy and peace and love and dancing, oh yes, there was dancing…suddenly, it was released from the bondage of unforgiveness. You see, God doesn’t desire us to be in bondage, God desires us to be SET FREE in every area of our life.
I write this in my excitement and earnest desire and prayer for you that if there is any gift that you could give someone on this Christmas, that it would be the gift of forgiveness and grace. The forgiveness we received came with a HIGH price. It came with a sacrifice. It came with Jesus/Yeshua crucified. He died for you. He died for me. A part of me just died tonight…but it was only so a larger part of me could LIVE! Hallelujah, thank you Abba!
Release forgiveness today, it will be the greatest joy you could ever experience, dance in, soak in, laugh in and LIVE in. I just did and I want to pray for you because I believe you will. May the Spirit of God dwell in your hearts and give you the power to forgive and the authority to walk in freedom, to release freedom, and to live in freedom. Forgive…because HE HAS FORGIVEN YOU!!!

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. Vilphcy permalink
    December 26, 2015 9:05 am

    Oh honey, just woke up to your post. Still crying tears of first sadness of you going thru that and tears of joy of being set free and how God works in his timing. LiKe dad just said just like baptism you die from the past and new in Christ. We love you! Any packages delivered?

    Sent from my iPad

    >

    • December 26, 2015 9:09 am

      No packages yet so looks like I get to celebrate Christmas even longer haha Love you!

  2. DOUG GROB permalink
    December 27, 2015 2:14 pm

    Hello Jill. When you come to Jacksonville you’ll always have a place here.
    Doug G.

    • December 27, 2015 2:15 pm

      Thanks! Missed seeing you last time I was there! Lord willing see you this summer.

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